7w2d. Some of You Were Right! Unbelievable.

Yesterday was our ultrasound.

We are overjoyed to be carrying twins. Both with a HB of 144, measuring right on time. Joy!

But.

There's a triplet... a Baby C. He's got no HB and he measures at 5w6d so we can only assume he's not making it.

I only transferred two embryos so what we have here is a real identical twinning! A split for Embryo B!

What a fucked up thing. I'm sad because its a life, and a miracle and obviously my child. I'm not even fully sure how I'm going to feel about this yet over the next few days. The shock is still heavy.

But obviously, this also seems like a blessing. Baby C, sacrificed so that Babies A&B could grow strong and healthy.

They say that Baby C will reabsorb. I can't deny that I'm not scared for Baby B. After all this WAS his twin and I hope that structurally/genetically he's okay.

I really need to make a new video blog, but I have to think carefully about this. Do I want to tell Babies A&B about C?

I dunno. This is crazy.

In other craziness my doc told me to stop taking my Estrace. I've been taking Estrace since I was 13. This is SO weird. Supposedly the placentas are making my estrogen now.

4/15 is the last day that I take PIO! Wow!!!!

5w4d. Stop Scaring Me! :)

Of course we'll be happy with whatever we get... I couldn't do selective reduction. I bring this up because lots of people are warning me that I might be in for trips.. I dunno.. I know my numbers are high, but my betas are also later than most people's.

This could still just be a strong singleton, guys! :)

For example.. Check out these links from the betabase

http://www.betabase.info/showBasicChart.php?type=Single
http://www.betabase.info/showBasicChart.php?type=Twin

I was 24dpo yesterday (5w3d) with the 9939 number.. Sure they are high, but the highest recorded numbers are MUCH higher.

I'm excited for twins, but even that is going to be a difficult pregnancy for me. I have a history of small bowel obstructions caused by adhesions from surgery when I was 12 (to remove my bad ovary)... I have this feeling that when I start to "stretch out" its gonna be VERY painful. I'll probably be eating through a straw by May. Can you imagine Trips?

They would be DARN cute tho!!! :)

19dp5dt... 24dpo... 5w3d.. whatever!

we got the 2nd beta back!!! 9939!!!

yay! we were so worried.

now i get to play the "twins or not" game over on betabase.info... there's always something new to be nuerotic about :)

5w0d????

So I suppose getting a BFP was the one way to make me shut my mouth. Amazing huh? The amazing thing is how incredibly mellow I am after more than 2weeks of sheer insanity and irrational thought.

BETA!!!!!!

is 708. we are in shock.

12dp5dt - the call

the message is NOW ON THE VOICEMAIL! because of the whole iphone visual voicemail thing i can see that its 1 minute and 33 seconds long.

i'm trying to work out if "i'm sorry, but your beta came up negative. we are truly sorry. at this time, please stop all of your medications. if you wish to continue trying to conceive please continue taking your prenatal vitamins. when you are feeling better please call to set up your post-cycle consultation with Dr X. if you would like to speak to our therapist, please call her at 555.555.1212. please take care and we express our deepest condolences" would take up 1 minute and 33 seconds of time.

i'm determined not to listen until DH gets home.

12dp5dt - beta day

well.. they have my blood so its now just a waiting game.

the red blood stopped after about an hour. i'm back to slightly spotting light brown.

what the hell does this mean?

everyone keeps telling me not to give up hope. i'm hearing a lot of stories about pregnancies that included a fair amount of red blood... so we'll see.

i'm really lightheaded.

when i was hysterical (calling DH, doctor, mom) i requested DH bring me home an HPT. i didn't use it. this morning DH hid it from me so i couldn't use it before getting beta results. we're hell bent on getting the result together and not me getting a result all alone and then banging my head into the wall 80 times.

11dp5dt - I'm bleeding

real, red blood. not spotting.

11dp5dt - Still Crazy!

My husband's idea to take this photo and its pretty cool I must say!

So we are back from Colombia. And I'm really dizzy right now... Weird.

Had a really bad dream about having a BFN that included someone doing science experiments on my embies... exactly what I need for my sanity.

10dp5dt - I'm the only person to have not peed on a stick

Right? Has anyone ever gone this long without a beta or a pee stick? We are in the Colombian airport right now waiting to fly back home from our vacation which provided very good but not total 2ww distraction. Despite the fact that I was neither raped nor killed by rebels on the 2 hr trip from Cartagena to Barranquilla, today is a shitty day with a lot of crying and negative attitude on my part. Yeah I know I've had the mystical brown spotting but I just can't imagine this working. I just don't feel that blessed. I just think all of these symptoms are an evil trick from god.

Oh. And god? Just so you know.... If I bfn, I have fantasies of dressing up like mara jade/alice (resident evil) and arming my ammunition belt with grenades and kitchen knives and hunting you down. Begging you for a few wins hasnt been working since about 1990 so I'm changing my strategy to threats. If you keep letting embyros die in my womb, you really leave me no choice.

I'm a bitter hormone soaked irrational bitch.

7dp3dt (later)

Update... I had a second episode of noticing brown discharge AND for a couple of hours this morning I was having a major aversion to smells. I THINK it was real and not imagined. I've been slightly nauseous on and off today.

HMMMMMMM.......!!!!!!!!

7dp5dt! Tingliness and more!

So, yesterday (6dp5dt) was crazy. I woke up with a tingling sensation all over my body that just never went away. It was mostly in my face, lips, hands and feet. I just woke up and still feel it in my face. I also noticed a spot of light brown, maybe a tad larger than an eraserhead, in my bathing suit.

WOAH!

I showed DH just to make sure I wasn't suddenly colorblind and because I had explained to him only an hour earlier about implantation spotting he was instantly cautiously excited.

Should I be excited? I don't know... Hope takes so much courage. Its frightening!

The wedding we came to Cartagena for was last night and it was SO fun. Seriously these people know how to party. I haven't had so much fun sober on a dance floor since I was in high school.

One of the highlights of the evening, however was the PIO shot. We borrowed the room key of a friend staying in the hotel where the wedding was held to "do the deed". Did you know that blow dryers make great substitutes for heating pads????

America Could Use More Donkeys.

So... unless the plane radiation was detrimental to the blastobabies, I think this trip was a great idea. I'm actually NOT obsessing on every symptom... I mean, there's still a little obsession but not as much.

The only bad thing is that I feel like a cow from all the IVF meds and I need to go and lay out in a bikini and look hot at a wedding tonight... le sigh!